Saturday 27 May 2017

2017 so far... Bulk review.

Is it me, or is there something wrong with Belle's jawline?
Tale as old as time... And they weren't kidding about it being old. I waited a while to see Beauty and the Beast. All the gay hype made me reluctant to watch it after years of being excited about it. It wasn't that good. Yeah, cinematic and CGIs were great and Emma Watson is truly a beauty, but storyline wise... Boring. I wish they had made it more like a Maleficent thing. Every scene was predictable. Every dialogue was cheesy and they made too little effort using the same script as the one in 1994. Or was it 1995? Meh, either way, I'd give it a 6/10. 

If it was a lazy day I would have slept throughout the whole movie. The only thing I liked about it was Charlize Theron coz she was gorgeous. The many things I hated about it was:
1. Vin Diesel was annoying as hell. I mean, how many times can you say the word "family" in a sentence, dude?
2. So he had a baby with Elena all this time? And she dies? Geez, just coz she doesn't fit in anymore y'all had to dispose her? I liked her, FFS!
3. "Hey let's be BFF with the dude who killed Han. Oh, and his brother who killed Giselle too!"
4. The Rock could redirect a speeding Torpedo with his bare hands. Lol. 
5. The awkward non-chemistry between Vin and Michelle. 
6. The two black guys trying too hard to be funny. To the extent of looking idiotic. 
7. Forgettable scenes. 
Or maybe I just hadn't, couldn't and wouldn't move on from the awesomeness that was Fast and Furious 5. I wish that Michelle Rodriguez character would just stay dead. #teamElena. 5/10.

I actually slept through the first movie. GotG 1 was flat out boring I have to admit. But eventually I managed to watch it after 5-6 times trying. Surprisingly for me, GotG2 was awesome. The script was funny, the storyline was alright and Merle... Well we all like Merle. The fact that it had little to nothing to do with the Avengers drama made it a cool movie. And the subtle romance made it bearable to watch. It was good. All the characters had funny moments. And Merle... ah... well he died in this one and the writers kinda knew that viewers would go "nah... he didn't die. He'll be back..." So they made that his body was burned on screen. Oh did I say Merle? I met Yondu. Yeah the blue guy. 9/10 for making me laugh a lot. 

Remake after remake after remake were made for King Kong. But I have to admit, this one is the best so far. Kong was a badass in this one. And the heroin isn't some curly white blonde with watery eyes. Also, the hero isn't Adrien Brody xD.
This movie showed a more brutal side of Kong. A ruthless protector of Skull Island against the emo Nick Fury. You know, the black guy in every movie. The villains are both humans and monsters. A very interesting twist to the cheesy ape-human relationship. 8/10.


The writers did good in this one. The entire movie was depressing, you can actually feel it. I think it was based on the comics 'Old Man Logan', where Logan is an old man, and professor is an even older man, senile and everything. Set after the deaths of all the rest of the X-men (supposedly Wolverine had killed them all), Logan featured a little version of Wolverine who was a girl and also Spanish struggling to meet up with the rest of mini X-men. However, it was obviously an attempt to justify the wipe-out of the original X-men clan. You know, to make room for the new generation, coz they still can make money this way. 
There were also reports saying that Hugh Jackman is done playing Wolverine, so he wanted to end it. What's up with these guys and "having enough" playing superheroes? Robert DJ, Chris Evans... Guys, you made billions because of these movies. And now you're lazy, you 

I stopped being a fan of Pirates of the Caribbean after the first one. But the second and third were watchable. Will Turner and Elizabeth Swann made an interesting couple that kept people hooked to the series. And then there was POTC At World's End where they attempted to give Jack Sparrow a love interest. Nope it didn't work. They also made a new couple at the side, the young dude and the mermaid. Nope. That didn't work either.
This time, they realized that fans hadn't moved on from the Turners. So they brought them back in the form of Henry Turner, their teenage son. And They also ran out of ocean fairy tale references, so they brought up Poseidon's Trident to release all curse ocean-related including Will Turner's banishment on the Flying Dutchmen. If that wasn't enough, they had to make Barbossa a dad. 
It wasn't a great movie for me, but was still watchable and entertaining. 7/10.

Ahhh... Walking down memory lane. At first I didn't feel like this movie would be that good. Power Rangers? How much more 1990s could it be?. But I was wrong. After looking over some clips from the original series, I felt retarded. They were so under-budget. So the remake was a brilliant idea. They used the same character names and origins, and improved them. Jason was hot, Kimberly was tough, Zack became asian, Billy turned black and Trini was lesbianized. 
And you gotta love Rita. She was an awesome villain. With her bitchiness, she rocked the whole movie. #teamrita
The best part was the very subtle blast from the past. The song flashbacks, the megazord (zoid?) ensemble... the "It's Morphin' Time" Call out... etc etc.. For that, I'd give it 8/10.

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